Interlude
by ksfd89
Summary: Oneshot set after the revival from Jess's POV. Rated M for language. Hope you enjoy it!


Sometimes when he's going to sleep he remembers her scent. Tonight Jess rolls over, breathing it out, but her smile is alive in his mind, her bright blue eyes. He'll be going through his day, slamming out some story, and she's _there_ , Rory. Jess remembers the night he met her, the sweet smile and shocked laugh at his suggestion of bailing. His intrigue at this girl, quiet but sure, her book collection a work of envy. She was unimpressed by his magic tricks, his facade, laughing at his jokes all the same. Rory was going to Harvard and he was going nowhere, or so he said. He had no fucking clue and while he said it was no big deal, he didn't entirely believe it, and Rory saw right through. So he was smart - so what? He wasn't the kind of smart school wanted, or so Jess told himself, back then. Rory was, he wasn't. She was college-bound, he was going wherever the road took him. And then when it all blew up, dropping out of school and not getting prom tickets, Luke saying he had to leave, screw it. Jess hated that town. He wouldn't be sorry if he never saw a twinkle light again. No one wanted him there, not really. He disappointed Luke, disappointed Rory - she didn't have to say it - Jess saw it in her eyes. She should have someone better. Jess had nothing left. So why not find his father? He came all the way to see Jess and he bailed, no thanks to Luke not telling him. Jess may as well go there, see the other side of his genes.

It was not an entirely pleasant sight. Sure, Jimmy had his life together, had the family thing going aside from the marriage deal, but he didn't want Jess around. Jimmy said he was a screw-up. What a joke - like Jess wasn't a photocopy. That road he said he'd go down was starting to resemble the boardwalk and Jess saw where it ended. Him selling hats and muttering about the book he could have written. Scared the shit out of him. Jess scared Jimmy at the same time, begging him to give his son a place to sleep. Some of that trip wasn't all bad, getting to know him, but Jess can't deny it was soured. Pleading with his father to let him stay after his mother had given up. Double shittiness in his DNA.

That summer is vague in memory, hanging with beach kids, alluding to Rory, even having the sitcom heart-to-heart with dear old Dad. What Jess remembers most is lying in bed, wondering if he could save his life. He'd never say that out loud, fuck, it sounds melodramatic just thinking it, but he wondered it, without exact words. If he could save himself from the screw-up he could see himself turning into. Honestly, he didn't start trying until he went back to Stars Hollow, at Luke's request. It all might be over with Rory, he wasn't such a dope he believed otherwise, but he could figure out things for himself, give it a shot. Jess couldn't sit around hoping she'd try and call. God, he remembers the last time she called. Telling him he messed it all up. _I think I may have loved you, but I just have to let it go_. And then he told her - he told Rory he loved her, panicked when he saw her with Dean, asked her to go with him. If they could start over. And then her blue eyes were filled with shock, her words punching him when she said no. But he doesn't blame her. So Jess left Rory to her life and started working on his own.

He wondered if he could save his life and now he wonders if she can save hers. What the hell is going on? That's what he wants to ask her. Rory can't let go of Logan, hanging onto him like a lifeboat, in the waters of her discontent. Ah, that's not the line, but same gist. She doesn't need that guy. She kissed Jess when she was still with him. Jess isn't so naïve that he thought Rory would drop Logan for him, but it felt real, in that moment. She sounded sorry. He yearned to run after her, ask her to wait, but what was the point? And she's drifting. Dropped out of Yale, went back, but now she's drifting again. Jess knows that feeling. She's writing now, at his urging, and Jess wanted to laugh out loud when Rory jumped, giggled like a teenager when she told him about the first chapters. The story of her and Lorelai. He wanted to tell her he's proud, but Jess simply smiled. Luke told him she's pregnant. Jess wonders if she still is. He wants to talk to her, know what choice she's made. Luke said Logan is 'out of the picture', whatever that means, and Jess wants to hear it from Rory. He's not sure if he can believe her letting him go. Jess hasn't waited for her, in those years apart. He's had his writing, a woman here and there, but it's never been as real. That's the word which comes to mind when he thinks of Rory; _real_. For better or worse.

Jess stretches, trying to settle into sleep. He thinks of going to see her, this weekend or next. Seeing the look of surprise on her face lingering in his imagination. He'll take her for coffee, ask to see her book. She'll lay it out, let him write in the margins, maybe, and fill in the gaps for whatever they are. _It is what it is, you, me_. He'll lean forward, listen, and pass the book back with the silent words: _This is how you'll save your life._


End file.
